Surprise!

Well, it's been awhile. For a great reason.
You know how life seems to fairly regularly throw you a surprise party? I thought the challenge of this year was going to be getting used to RD being gone so much more, but phsh, that was too easy.
It took over a year for us to get pregnant and then I miscarried a couple years ago. I decided that was it. I guess I should have checked in with the plan-maker, but then again, He seems to prefer not to let me know the plan. So we were shocked to find out there was a bun in the oven in June.
Surprise!
The poor kids spent the summer entertaining themselves while I lay on the couch. They were really good about it; I really struggled. I thought about Hebrews 12:2, "who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross". His love for me is so great, His joy in offering me a chance at eternal life got Him through pain only He could live through. Even as a mom, I don't think I understand how He loves like that.  Honestly, those first few weeks I didn't really want to live through all the pain to give another child life, and was scared to love again and go through another miscarriage/loss. But  I decided the only way to get through was to love our baby, and focus on the joy. What's really cool though, is the joy isn't just at the end. As I read my scriptures every day, I felt the joy that comes from being so loved by God, His glorious plan and promises; I don't have to wait till the end to feel that joy. Unfortunately, it was hard to feel that once I was done reading :(
I really needed to blog to look for the good and record it, but by the time I started being able to function somewhat, our computer died (again).
We finally got connected again, and the kids were happy to have a much easier time doing homework. A couple days ago Grace was working on math, and was struggling with fractions on her online program. When she mentioned that, Cameron went over with some paper and started showing her how they work, and helped her figure them out (mostly). She felt successful and happy, and I was grateful for Cameron jumping in to help. The goodness of those I love is sure something I can have joy in.